Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She bit a glass in half.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
