I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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