That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
