so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
