My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
