Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
