I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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