Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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