I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
