u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i came on her dog
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
