why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
