Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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