Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
