remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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