my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
