Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
