A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
