people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
