I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
