remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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