I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
