I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
