I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
