EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
