our cab driver is having phone sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
