Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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