but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
