Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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