Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
