i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
