I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
