I look better un-naked...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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