i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
