I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
