you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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