I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
