Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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