What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We are two peas in an std pod
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
