i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
