guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
