This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
