NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
