he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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