Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
