Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
