Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
