Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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