Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
