what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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