8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
